Do you find yourself over explaining or oversharing?

This is a very common trauma response and I see many clients in our first few sessions conducting themselves in this manner. And this is ok, because it is these patterns of behaviour that have kept them feeling safe, to be able to carry on their day to day life. Our autonomic nervous system (ANS) works to protect us and keep us safe. Which is why our mamillian part of our brain serves by signaling fight, flight or freeze mode (I talk more about this in another blog). Our brain has developed over time  and more recently we recognise a Fawn response.

Over explaining and over sharing  are a Fawn trauma response. As children we learn quickly what we need to do and how we need to act to feel safe. This is an instinctual response with a need to avoid conflict at any cost.

Why do you over explain or overshare?

• You may have been gaslit in your past, in your family or working life
• You people please
• You avoid conflict at all costs
• Difficulty saying no
• No set boundaries
• To feel safe
• You don’t feel understood
• You feel you have to justify yourself
• The need to keep the peace in relationships
• You have to defend yourself
• You want to fit in
• You may be stuck in the past because of what happened to you

Trauma can keep you stuck in a loop from your past. People pleasing  may be a reason why you stay in places or relationships longer than you should have. The great news is that you can rewire your neural pathways and re-root, creating new habits and patterns of behaviour. 

What can you do?

• Think about your language to yourself, your thoughts, the situations you are in when you start oversharing or over explaining.
• Inner-child work and trauma informed healing
• Reflect what you are doing and the impact this is having on your life.
• Brain dump – write, it doesn’t have to be a fancy journal, but it does have to be pen to paper (not keyboard). To gain clarity write as if you are talking to yourself, get it all out your head.
• Stop your old way of thinking and habits and create new. Keep stopping and starting.
• Set boundaries and practice saying NO, be kind to yourself and celebrate how far you’ve come. This will feel strange and unusual, because you are putting yourself first.

How can I help?

If you can resonate with any of what I’ve described , do get in touch. I offer a free 20 minute discovery  call, which you can book via the calendly link on my website. Taking care of your whole SELF; mind, body and soul and recharging your battery is where the journey starts, and I can give you the tools to heal.

Don’t suffer in silence, I’ve been where you are.