Stop going to people who hurt you, are you Codependent?

Co-dependency is often confused with being needed and feeling loved. Maybe you were emotionally starved in childhood, so this feels like love. In codepency you are actually doing the emotional work for the other person in exchange for their temporary approval and attention, once you start working on yourself, putting yourself first, your need for being needed disappears, literally will dissolve. Relationships formed are no longer needed but are wanted and desired.

If you don’t address your childhood trauma, your adult relationships will be impacted. These people don’t want you to get better, because they benefit from you being co-dependent on them, you are useful to them and satisfy their needs. A co-dependent person is generally a giver , they may feel worthless unless they are needed, often forgoing their own personal needs, desires and wants to satisfy the other person, the taker, in the relationship.  More often than not the ‘giver’ and ‘taker’ won’t realise the parts they play, and will be automatic roles and automatic learnings from childhood.  When we neglect our own needs and feelings we disrespect ourselves, and the more disrespect we accept from ourselves, the more disrespect we’re likely to accept from others.

Co-dependency is when someone brings you everything you need to stay down. You accept breadcrumbs because this is normal to you and you don’t want to rock the boat. If someone repeatedly chooses to disrespect a boundary you’ve set with them, the only thing you can control is how much time and space you give them. You can’t force respect out of someone who doesn’t want to give it. It is not your job to be a version of you that puts other people at ease.

What can you do?

• Choose to make yourself happy
• Stand in your truth, speak up
• Don’t be concerned with what others think of you (that’s on them)
• Validate how you feel
• Spend time on self-development

We don’t walk away to teach people a lesson, we walk away because we finally learned ours.

How can I help?

If you can resonate with any of what I’ve described , do get in touch. I offer a free 20 minute discovery  call, which you can book via the calendly link on my website. Taking care of your whole SELF; mind, body and soul and recharging your battery is where the journey starts, and I can give you the tools to heal.

Don’t suffer in silence, I’ve been where you are.